person signing divorce paper

Things to Do Before You Finalize Your Divorce

Going through a divorce is not as simple as how the entertainment world is portraying it. In the movies and the tabloids, it’s as if getting a divorce is just as easy as changing the menu you’ve planned for a dinner party. The Marriage Story is probably the closest it could get in showing the emotional roller coaster the parties go through when going through a divorce. Because at one point in time these two people have been in love, so much so to decide on getting married.

Most divorce advice would prepare you for the legal battle. You would get advice about seeking alimony, getting a good lawyer, and how to know your spouse’s income without getting found out. But before you do those things and finally set the divorce process in motion. There are a few things you might consider doing. After all, you and your partner are humans and divorce is an emotional process above anything else, especially when you have children who will be involved.

Celebrate an important event together one last time

Now that autumn has started, Christmas is just around the corner. Maybe you could give yourselves this time. It’s not to see if you want to stay together, but to build your relationship as friends. Be generous with each other. It will be the last time you’re spending the holidays together. Get the biggest tree that you could find. Hire a professional to put up the Christmas lights around your home. Bring the festivity of the holidays in your home.

It’s a pity that people who break up remember the last bitter months of their relationship. Because of this, the longer and happier years are forgotten. So take this time to have good memories. It shouldn’t be a pressure to either of you because you would be doing it with no ulterior motives but to spend your last months together enjoyably.

Visit the place where you first met or maybe when you first took notice of each other

settle relationshipsYou would know if there’s an unresolved issue when the important places in your relationship would bring a pang of hurt even if brief. If any of you feels it, rationalize the emotion, and eventually your situation. Was it hurt? Was it a sense of longing? Why exactly are you hurting? What are you longing for?

In a relationship, communication is more important than any romantic notions. However, it is also the most sacrificed. You are too busy to properly communicate with each other. When there are misunderstandings, your pride most often gets in the way of communicating clearly your emotions.

Now that you are nearing the end of your journey together, dedicate some time to listen and clear up all those pent-up hurts and misunderstandings throughout your years together. Again, it’s not a matter of patching things up. It’s a matter of separating without enmity. And to forego those grudges, you need to air out those words and emotions each of you had bottled up for the sake of your relationship before. So don’t argue nor blame each other. State things as how you perceived them. Without the built-in defenses, you would hopefully at least understand why the other had acted. Then clearly state how you felt about the action. It is not biased; it is not blaming the other. It is a fact because no matter if you had misinterpreted something, your emotion had been real.

Prepare each other’s favorite food

It’s ok if you don’t know how to cook. Just order it. It’s the thought of knowing what the other person had wanted for years. See if it’s still each other’s favorites. Had it changed without the two of you noticing it?

People change because of the experiences we have every day. The person you had married seven or eight years ago would of course be different from the person you are with now. But because you had been together all those years, the subtle changes might have gone unnoticed. And suddenly, each of you realized you were no longer the perfect couple. Acknowledge it. You can’t stop each other from changing just so you could save your relationship. Since you have decided to divorce, it’s apparent that one or the other had not accepted the changes.

Divorce should not be taken lightly. Nowadays it’s become a matter of getting a good lawyer. But remember each other’s humanity. Throughout the years together, maybe you’ve gone through several episodes that put bitterness into your hearts. But even with these, it is still best to go your separate ways amicably. Better yet, divorce as friends.

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